Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Battle of the heart...is jihad!!

It has been a long time since I didn't write in this space. At this point, my PhD stage is really at stake; REALLY. But I must have patience to get through all this. If not, I do not know what I'll do, what I'll become. For now, I just do whatever I can to keep going as indeed some things happened beyond our control but u just have to keep moving.

In these few months back, and to date life has treated me in a way I could not imagine..or I ever imagined. Typically some are sad, some are happy, but some are shocking some are surprising. That's life..Fictional Forrest Gun said; 'Life is a box of chocolate, you never know what you're gonna get'. In a simplest way to understand this is that, whatever given to you whether you like it or not, like a box of chocolate, with so many flavours, so many filling,  some u like, some u didn't..but in order to survive, sooner or later, you have to eat them all..you have to endure them all. 

Overall, I must say in general those things have fallen into situation which one can described as stress or depressed. To me, I've fallen into the intermediate phase or both!!. At this point, I just hope I can get away from all those stuff that matters, that inevitably has affected me in a way that eventually I'll feel sick, easily get sick actually; health problem is not foreign to me. But hoping without trying and most importantly praying, will get u nowhere. 

I'm facing obstacles. But who didn't? Yes; obstacles that can be further characterized into so many classification. Physical, e.g. studies,health, financial but what affects me the most is personal obstacle which is emotion;  transcending other matters.

As muslim, we pray everyday to the creator of the world,  to Allah Azza Wajalla. Beside one very important prayer which is to ask Allah for the wellness of our parents and ask that their sins and our sins are forgiven, We ask Allah that we'll be granted with best attitude, best conduct. We ask Allah to give us strength, to bear with all obstacles life has been arranged for us. We ask Allah that all our matters will be at ease. We ask Allah for our success in our studies, our career, our relationship and daily life. We ask Allah for the peace and happiness here in the world and most importantly in the hereafter. We ask Allah to grant us a pure heart; sincere heart, in a way that only Allah knows best. We pray everyday..everyday..

But to me, without realizing it my emotions have been challenged. Sometimes I wonder is it because of the two hormonal medication that I need to take everyday has affected me this way..or it's just the way it is?But then I realized. InsyaAllah..maybe my prayer has been granted. Allah no doubt will grant our prayer. It's just the matter of time, or it's the matter of how the realization of the prayer will be fulfilled in a way that only Allah knows best, best for us. We will eventually learn the wisdom behind everything that happened. I see now and insyaAllah may Allah sustain my mind and my heart to look at those obstacles as tools to make me stronger, wiser and have more patience. Indeed the more we pray for patience, the more tests will arrives  . It's like so many  tests in this world..world full of competition and challenges that to be a more skilled and more qualified person, isn't we have to pass some tests???So it make sense that after we put our utmost effort in the battle of the jihad to purify our heart, we will pass.

One of the diseases in our heart laterally with the culture and style of living today, are envy and jealousy. I totally moved by the recent status by one of the well known motivator, Yasmin Mogahed. In her facebook wall she quoted :

"People who get jealous of others don't understand the nature of gifts. They don't understand either the cost or the tests that come with any blessing. Remember that clouds are wrung out just to extract single drops of water (Surah An-Naba' ~ 78:14). And the Prophet (pbuh) was squeezed until he thought his ribs would break, just to receive 'Iqra'"

My thought : Indeed.. Allah has granted special gifts to everyone. Whatever the envious, jealousy feeling we have, think. We should analyse ourselves. It happens to us sometimes when we talk about somebody, or we think about  them, wonder about them..we didn't realize we are acting envious!! Envy can be positive; in a way that we learn about those things that makes we envy, and try to achieve or have what that person have. We can define what kind of envy we have with that person. Envy or jealousy because we don't accept what God has given them. We should learn what the quality that makes them what and who they are. No point of try to let that person down, or break his or her heart, through our words or our actions.. We never know how much that particular person try their very best to improve themselves..We have no idea what that particular have been through, the struggles they have to face, the challenges they have to overcome, the battle they have to fight in order to become a better person. They too, have their defects, but they learn.. We should try to make life easier for other people because we won't lose anything. Infact we'll find our  life will be at ease. Don't feel jealous or envy. Throw away your ego and arrogance. Learn and improve yourself. 

End. 

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Menulis?

Kalaulah ada bakat menulis untuk beri sumbangan signifikan pada apa2 hal yang kita suka...dah lama sangat tak menulis di sini...harus buat blog lain daripada perihal diri sendiri...sebab kadang2 perihal diri sendiri yang diceritakan bukan membawa suka..tapi lara...seronok membaca nukilan orang lain yang bawa impak....sudah tiba masa berbuat begitu untuk melarikan diri daripada mengingatkan perkara2 yang bukan2 dan tak memberi kebaikan..

Friday, May 25, 2012

Breakfast, lunch & dinner

I'm having Thyroxine, Calcium Carbonate, Selenium + Zinc, B6, Evening Primrose Oil, Chondroitin + Glucosamine sulphate for daily breakfast, lunch & dinner..sometimes been prescribed for Naproxen ..and taking Nurofen .and still ...I can't totally cope ..I'm thinking to add Magnesium in the list..the cramps becoming more severe.....:(..

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

You, cheeky devil!

Tadi pagi2 morning kita jumpa bos kita yang dah 4 minggu tak datang sebab  cuti sakit...yeay abah dah balik yeay!!Jadi dimulakan dengan bismilllah... kita pun tanya kabar dia ... bagitau betapa kita, kitorang semua teringat ngan rindu kat dia..ahaks..al-poyos al-drama spektra..(betul ni..dia la merangkap abah kita kat ni..iskh..iskh...bagai hilang arah kita 4 minggu tak nampak dia, tak bole jumpa dia bila ada problemo..huhu..)then lepas tu ..pagi tadi jugak kita mintak dia sign 3 barang guna duit dari akaun dia sebab akaun geran dah tutup..nak harap duit dari akaun kita tinggal paras idung..sepanjang dia takde..beli barang semua cilok akaun geran lain..diorang kata takpe pandai2 la diorang kautim la sesama diorang..(alhamdulillah...diorang kata jangan buat diri menderita sebab tergendala koje sebab tak dapat beli barang makmal..insofff..benda ni kita kena buat kat tanahair tercinta..keutamaan penyelidikan, jangan jadi 'jual ikan'...sebab yang lain tu boleh dikautim kemudian kan..)..jadi bila duit akaun kita yang sekolah sediakan dah paras idung..n semua barang yang besar2 guna duit dari akaun dia ..jadi sementara dia ada ni hari ni...kita check2 apa barang2 nak beli...pastu ptg tadi  kita pegi la jumpa dia lagi...sebab kita kompim kena beli barang lagi ni..

Kita : Bos, boleh jumpa?
Bos : ha..Masuk2!!...
Kita : Saya ada situasi ni...
Bos : Sila2 cerita...

** Kita pun cerita la situasi eksperimen, buat table barang dah pakai..bla2..bla..tunjuk la sket cik temah oi ala2 kesaintifikan dan kekiraan dan kesangat perluan tu kan...cerita gas skrg dah tinggal banyak mana.mana tau error ke..kang jadi macam bekalan lepas tgh2 buat abis sebab tak perasan level gas yang tinggal..nak tunggu orang anta makan masa 4 minggu..pastu nak try macam2..mana tau leaking..bla..bla...nanti kang tengah2 buat eksperimen gas abis kang..nak kena tunggu 4 minggu lagi..sapa yang salah?sapa yang malu?mereka dan keluarga mereka..

Bos : Owh..betul2...kena beli standby...ha...duit dalam akaun hang ada tinggal brapa lagi?
Kita : (dengan muka penuh innosen dan dua posen..kita pun kata..)..Ada tinggal kurang 50 pound je bos..dah ujung2 ni kan..
Kita: Owh bagus2 sebab guna..Ha...sediakan borang nak beli gas tu..bak mai sini ..
Gua : Dah sediakan pun ni ha...bos tinggal sign je..
Bos : You cheeky devil!!! ..(amik aku sejibik!!tapi dalam hati kita kata..'la..baru tau ke betapa cheeky devilnya kita..har har har)..aeniwei..dengan senyuman cheeky dia pun sign..;op

Alhamdulillah...:)

Monday, February 20, 2012

Her who I love best..

She who I love best once said : 'Memberi tapi tak pernah menerima..selalu jadi persinggahan...orang amik kesempatan....dah la sakit..semua sakit..sakit lagi'..Pity for your daughter eh mom?..:(..don't ..don't ever...Allah tu kan maha Adil..Happy skrg ni..sehappy happynya!Tak perlu kusut pasal orang lain..diri sendiri pun tak terlerai kekusutan..:)Can I not to think about that matter..now??Peduli apa orang kata...Percayalah..okay ni..okay macam ni..

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Love him...Love his voice, love him speaks...love him reads..

Dickens shows that "true gentleman is someone who carries himself calmly, elegantly and speaks with a voice such as Eugenes".. and I love Paul McGann..Can't get enough of him...I listen to his audiobook to sleep..



Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Tiba2 rasa...

Sepi...

Sedihnya...:(

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Cerita hidup yang lepas..cerita hidup akan datang...

Lama tak menulis..

Masih belum sampai cita2 nak tulis macam Adibah Amin..!!

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Really?

Hard hearted..and selfish..Really??Is that really who I am??

Maybe I didn't realize ..that maybe that's really who I am..